Probably collected about the turn of the Century, or slightly later. Original (probably) in Vaughan Williams Library, Cecil Sharp House, London. This version transcribed from a (badly) photocopied typescript. Copy obtained via Mike O'Connor of Watling Street Mummers, Dec 1991. No corrections made or lines split. K.J.Lodge.
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W.Brum (Now at Workhouse at Brackley)
Eydon, North Hamps (sic)
Learend from older mummers.
Good master and good mistress
I hope you're both within
I've come this merry Christmas
To see you and your kin.
I hope you won't be angry, nor take it in offence
For if you do, pray tell me,
And I'm quickly gone from hence.
Sweeps room
A room, a room, I do desire,
Come in, My Foreman, and show your eyes like fire.
Come in, Belzebub.
In come I, Belzebub,
On my shoulder I carry my club,
In my hand a drippin pan,
Don't ye think I'm a funny old man?
Ha, ha, ha, I do that!
Come in, the Duke of Cumberland!
In comes the Duke of Cumberland,
With my broad sword in my hand.
Where is the man that dare before me stand?
I'll cut him down with my mighty hand,
I'll cut 'im and slay 'im as small as flies,
And send 'im to the cookshop to make mince pies.
Mince pies hot, and mince pies cold,
Mince pies in the pot, nine days old.
OLD MOLLY
Come in, King George!
In comes King George,
With my broad sword in hand.
I'm the man that dare before you stand.
Though you say you'll cut me and slay me as small as flies,
And send me to the cookshop to make mince pies,
Mince pies hot, and mince pies cold,
Mince pies in the pot, nine days old.
I'll cut you and slay you as small as flies,
And send you to the cookshop to make mince pies.
Mince pies hot, and mince pies cold,
Mince pies in the pot, nine days old.
A battle, a battle betwix you and I
To see which on the ground first shall lie.
They fight; King George falls.
OLD MOLLY
Gets to her knees, cries and takes on.
Now see wyat you've done! You killed 'im. You've killed the man!
Is there ara doctor in the neighborhood?
Yes!
OLD MOLLY
Doctor, Doctor, do yer part,
King George is ooded to his heart,
Right from his heart down to his knee,
Tenn thousand pound I'll gee to thee.
DOCTOR
I shaunt come for that!
OLD DUMMON
What will you come for then?
DOCTOR
Three fardins an a bag o straw for me old nag to lay on.
OLD MOLLY
See what you can do for that man then.
Comes galloping in on another mummer's back; who throws him down. Doctor takes off coat, gloves, rolls up sleeves; sets about him.
DOCTOR
In comes I, the Doctor.
OLD MOLLY
What can ye cure?
DOCTOR
I can cure the mollygrups, the sollygrubs,
And all sich trifling things as those.
The hip the pip the paulsey and the gout.
The pains within an the pains without,
The mollygrubs, the sollybrugs, and
And all sich trifling things as that,
Bring an old man as' been dead forty year.
I'll make 'im rise up an ett bread an cheese off o a leg o mutton.
As well as ever he did.
I'll give 'im one o my pills.
Man gets up
DOCTOR
He riveth!
OLD DUMMON
What did say? He's read the Bible?
He never read it in his life!
Come in John Finney!
My name is not John Finney,
My name's Mr. Finney, a man of great fame
Can do more nor you or any man again.
DOCTOR
See what you can do for this man, then.
JACK
Gets down on man
Why, he's got a great tooth here.
OLD MOLLY
A what, Doctor, a sluice?
JACK FINNEY
A tooth!
They all pull tooth , falling backwards as the tooth comes out. Old Molly falls backwards and shows white underthings.
JACK FINNEY
Look here, see what's come out of this man's head.
No wonder he's been bad.
Gives him medicine out of bottle and he revives.
OLD MOLLY
Goes to man and helps him up.
O he's comin round.
OLD DUMMON
Come in, Old Bighead.
Head swathed in rags and sacks, only his face showing.
In comes Old Bighead.
Me head's so big, me wit's so small
I'll play ye a tune as'll plase ee all.
Starts playing.
OLD DUMMON
Come in Father Christmas.
FATHER CHRISTMAS
In comes Pore Old Father Christmas,
I ant got much to say
But I hope you will remember me
Before we go away,
A pocket full o money, and a cellar full o beer,
Wishin you all a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year!
Entrances: Duke | Doctor | Molly | Old Dummon | Belzebub | King George | Finney | Bighead
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